Hello, I am Biblioholic, lover of thought and literature. I have problems with rambling. I reblog homestuck and stuff that is smart and helpful advice and stuff.

I also do fanfiction. Homestuck is my specialty but if I know the show/ characters /anything about the characters I'd consider writing something for that.

I do smut too. Smuttiest smut, yesss to your kinksssssss I will do them if you ask nicely.

I ship me a lot of M/F but I am bi and more than able to appreciate and yes even love homosexual smut.

I RP generic fiction over on my proboards, Chaos and Creativity, with some friends if you want to get a bead on my writing style (I'm biblioholic there too).

I have no preference towards xeno tentabulge or whatever. Specify what you want in that department if pertinent unless you want me to surprise you.

 

Aquariumstuck Condence <> Karkrab

Fuck you guys Karkat can be two things. Mituna is a mad veterinarian, he clones people and animals together. That’s my glubbin explanation and I’m sticking to it.

You are Karkat Vantas, human night janitor in this weird ass aquarium, and this little crab is fucking fascinating. And irritating as all fuck.

Crabs are supposed to be, like, aquatic right? They need damp, the only reason you find them on beaches is because under rocks and shit there’s still water, and they can go without oxygen for a while.

So why the fuck would a crab jump out of it’s tank repeatedly? Is the little guy suicidal? Or just dumb as shit?

Like a lot of the weird fucking animals in this aquarium it’s got defects or whatever. It’s eyes and mouth are humanoid between its top and bottom shell in the front, and it’s shell around it’s face is kind of blackish around the top kinda like hair or something. It was kinda creepy how this crab… kinda looked like your, what, weird fucking son-if-he-was-a-crab or someshit?

You were talking to Feferi (the manager Kanaya had had a little sliding door installed in the top of the mertroll tanks that they could open and talk to them without the glass getting in the way) and… apparently the crab named itself after you?

"You little shit," you say as you drop it in a little Tupperware container with saltwater in it, "You’re not Karkat. I am Karkat. Me. Why do you think my parents gave me such a weird fucking name, cause it’s original I’m the only one allowed to have it. You’re Karcrab, and you’re a taintchafing pain to deal with." The crab bubbled and scuttled around the container waving it’s claws at you. Man how does a crab get so pissed off? "Karkrab you better calm the fuck down or I’ll give you to that sunglasses penguin."

You talk at the crab for a bit until you get bored, then go to Feferi’s tank and ask of she can translate for you. But… “Sorry, I don’t speak crab. Momma does though!”

"Didn’t you say his name was Karkat?"

She shrugs. “I just pointed at myself saying Feferi, and he thumped himself on the top of the shell and called himself Karkat.”

Ugh.

Condy, as the other employees call her, is in her own back room, with her own custom made enclosure: she had pitched a fit day in and day out until they had put her in the old inside killer whale enclosure, the largest single-inhabitant tank in the aquarium. It was illegal to put a killer whale inside now, so the tank had been empty. It had housed a family of seals for about half a year so there was an improvised little sandy beach on one end.

The oldest mertroll was never friendly, and always insisted they call her this godawful name, and her report stated that the aquarium had delt with several law suits where she had severely injured somebody before she was put in the back. In all she was just completely unpleasant and Karkat didn’t know why the fuck he even stepped foot into her room.

You tap softly on the glass, not hard enough to send a shockwave through the water just a tiny shiver. “Condy.”

She turns, her hair flowing behind her as she puts her chin up to stare hauntily at you. “)(er Imperious Condescention.”

"Condesce."

"Acceptable. W)(at do you want."

"Can you talk to this crab for me? I wanna know why he keeps escaping his enclosure."

The full grown mertroll takes the crab into the water and puts it on the bottom of her tank. “)(e’s a guy apparently, and )(e t)(inks you’re a )(umungous tool and everybody’s out to get )(im and )(e also calls )(imself leader of the escape movement w)(ich as far as I can tell only includes )(im and the ironic traitorous penguin. That’s all you really need to know.”

You sigh. “Okay, can I have him back?”

The mertroll ignores you, staring at the crab and glubbing at it, head just under the water. Then she slowly sinks down and settles next to the crab. The crab scuttles up to her hair, and after a couple oddly bemused expressions and even a smile from the notoriously unfriendly mertroll the crab scuttles up into her enormous glob of hair and is lost from sight. Gone. Never gonna see that fucker again.

Your hand meets your face, and you sigh. “Uh, should I leave?”

The mertroll floats up to the shallow part of her enclosure and lounges on the beach. “Na)( don’t go I’m chill. I’m bored anyways.” She keeps her hair submerged, and little parts of it are seen to be moving around.

This wasn’t usual behavior for Condy. “So what’s the crab’s deal.”

”)(e says the fis)( you give us has somefin in it called faygo or sopor, )(e’s not clear about w)(ic)(, and it apparently makes mosta the other fis)( stupid as fuck so t)(ey don’t wanna escape, so )(e only eats the other fis)(’s shit.”

Your face says it all: ew.

”)(e)(, crabs are bottom feeders it ain’t too big a glubbin deal for )(im to do somefin like t)(at.”

"So… can I take him back to his enclosure now? What is he even doing?"

The mertroll glares down at him, suddenly reverting to her normal standoffishness. “T)(e s)(ell you t)(ink )(e’s doin )(e’s cleanin my )(air. )(air don’t clean itself. You t)(ink you gunna get )(im back? Well glub the s)(ell off cause )(e’s my )(air ornament now. Mine motha glubba I s)(ank yo ass!”

You put up your hands. “Okay, I don’t have a problem with it I was just asking. Keep him. He’s yours.”

Condy slowly reclined back onto the beach, looking at you suspiciously.

Karcrab scuttled up a lock of wet hair onto Condy’s stomach and poked his face out, keeping his gills submerged in the wetness of her hair. He bubbled something at her… and the murderous seatroll threw her head back and laughed uproariously.

Huh. “What’s he saying?”

"—-Eee)(e)(e)(e, nun o ya bisness… Karcrab."

"… what?"

"The part o dat w)(ic)( IS yo bisness is that )(e says there’s a reason his mot)(er named him Karkat, and it’s cause it’s unique, )(e’s the only Karkat and you’re not allowed to )(ave t)(at name. You can be Karcrab."

"But-… I mean… fffffFFFFHE’S THE FUCKING CRAB! DO YOU SEE A FUCKING CARAPACE ON ME?"

You are so fucking mad, you get right up next to the glass and press your nose to it to glare at that fucking bubbling crab. You wave your thumbs at it on either side of your head.

"I HAVE APPOSIBLE THUMBS YOU LITTLE SHIT! BASK BEFORE THE MIGHT OF ALMIGHTY THUMBS, I CAN USE THESE TO HOLD MY DICK TO PISS IN YOUR FUCKING BREATHING WATER, I CAN USE THESE TO PICK YOU UP AND TOSS YOU OUT THE WINDOW TO THE PELICANS, I CAN USE THESE TO GET ON THE FUCKING PHONE AND GO BUY DELIVERY CRAB TO EAT YOUR FUCKING PARENTS IN FRONT OF YOU, DO NOT TEST ME KARSCAB I WILL DELIVER UNTO YOU A FIRESTORM OF RHETORIC-BASED RETRIBUTION THE LIKES WHICH YOU ONLY SEE ONCE IN A THOUSAND YEARS, DEDICATED TO THE SOLE PURPOSE OF DESTROYING YOUR PATHETIC LITTLE MIND IN YOUR WORTHLESS TINY SHELL UNTIL I DON’T EVEN NEED TO PUT YOU ON THE FLOOR AND CURBSTOMP YOUR INSIGNIFICANT CHITINOUS DIMINUTIVE MEATSACK TO SEND YOU TO A WORLD OF WOE AND SUFFERING!"

The little crab is spitting it’s own bubbles at you, and after you’re both done (his is longer) Condy puts her hands together in a slow clap. “S)(outy gets the points fer vocabulary,” she says, “but )(oly s)(it Crabby wins )(ands down with subject matter. He’s )(ardcore, you didn’t even mention goring reproductive parts.” Condy lifts the little crab up (it’s making a hissing noise to express it’s distaste at this motion, which you’re pretty sure is the crabish equivalent of a sustained expletive. “It is t)(us proclaimed that Crabby is )(enceforth granted the title of Grand Karkat, and S)(outy is forever s)(unted with the secondary title of Karkat Jr.”

You turn around and storm out. “I’m not even going to bother with you inflamed assholes. Be miserable together.”

You don’t need to look around to see Condy high five the little crab’s upraised claw, though you actually don’t catch the muttered “Pale at first sight CrabbyKat. Yer adorbs crabcake.”

You wouldn’t know what that is anyways. You’re just a human janitor.

  1. biblioholic93 reblogged this from biblioholic93 and added:
    Hey remember when I tried to convince my followers I’d do dumb shippy things for them if they cared enough to ask? And...
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    WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING ADORABLE HOLY SHIT
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